hallo blogworld, t’has been a while hope u missed me.
O man, i am so grateful, i believe in God,because otherwise, i wouldn’t have pulled through the stress, faith just keeps me going I am glad.
for a while there i became selfish. it reached a point in my life, i was feeling very lonely and alone, this was made more conscious because of my friends who i wouldn’t meet on the weekends anymore for girly chats just because their boyfriends were taking them out, planning surprises, one here another there, and worse was the kind of u know look they give me coz am still single, u know for a long while, i didn’t think dating was really a serious issue until it was.
it has been kinda custom that i cast my sights on the wrong person day in day out. i just got over a serious crush that i had been drooling on for a long time, till i realized it never would be, and i could count about a palm of mind the instances i just had unending and unhealthy crushes, but now I wanted a relationship.
I spotted the guy, perfect in description except my friend has a crush on him, that has never gone away. she was dating someone else and i thought she must move on clearly. her crush,both fortunately and unfortunately is a friend of mine, yes a close friend, i tried hooking them up in the earlier stages of crushing, well a little subtly although nothing came of it, but now i think in my cloudy vision and thirst of belonging, i thought her crush, had a crush on me, you know you just get the hints.
i was encouraging, unbeknown to me,my friend is yet to move on and now i was in the proverbial between a rock and a hard place, a decision I was going to make, my friend or myself. i was selfish there!
I knew i was to be first, no matter my friend she had a relationship anyway, but wise counsel prevailed, i opted out.
It wasn’t an easy decision, I was sobbing at my loss, that i hadn’t even gained in the first place.
so i dialed my friend Kev to complain about how unfair life was to me. Kev is the kind of guy i call up mostly to complain,coz we share a level of trust.i could tell him am heartbroken, i would tell him am desperate, u know the kid of tiny details u are embarrassed to tell girlfriends, i told him, he has been good support.
so i confess that i am so lonely and I am scared. scared of relationships, commitments, rejection,heartbreaks,generally scared, but that i want to be in one,just coz I am envious of my girlfriends.
well here is an upside:
Kev says we could be in a relationship; him and I, his concern however is that i will not be comfortable with his lifestyle; he’s a magazine editor, so including a lot of trips, busy schedules and he is also an events person, not that he’s so handsome but he gets a bevy of attention from ladies, so what do i think
? he confesses he’s had feelings for me except he was scared for me…i mean that is sweet.
hmm, i say it’s hard to not be jealous, but i want to try,
he says ; OK,let’s do that, let’s take time. one step at a time.
there’s a swahili proverb;”Fimbo ya mbali haimwui nyoka” meaning, the staff far away doesn’t kill a snake.
so as i was busy looking and searching, this guy was just here , waiting.
truth is it is a little unsettling in the fact that we just agreed to try, the fact that he didn’t even try so hard or use some cheesy pickup line, he didn’t lure me with expensive dates before I could say Yes. Yes am a little worried i will feel so jealous, am scared it may not work out, i am scared i may lose the friendship for good, and I don’t know what to expect…. I am very green relationshipwise. so i am just like that…
all i want is good romance and a prince…is it that hard?