what to write?

I know what i was going to write just now, until all things fell asunder. Until my feet began to wobble. I know I don’t want to always talk about Macha, cos he’s capable of doing many things to me at a time. he’s able to make my heart thud like a *whichever place’s * drum. he makes me want to write a ranting post or a romanticizing  novel. he makes me want to dream of the wedding day or something close to the Bachelor. I totally picture him in a soap opera kissing me, I am probably crazy, cos he makes me crazy.

What is more crazy than being crazy about him is me not wanting to stop with this. i have always told myself that he’s not worth it but my heart still holds on. I have pinched myself and ignored him, but when he shows up, my face just burns red cos I am blushing.

I am not writing the novel already cause novels have good endings,this one doesn’t or maybe *wishful thinking* the end hasn’t come just yet.
 i am just saying this air of his is already too much for me.
i don’t know when to stop or how to.

it is just unending cycle of crushdom.
There’s something about him that entices me. If he hangs his palm over my shoulder, i am already intoxicated, when he says a quick Hi,which i don’t reply to mostly, a smile will stealthily creep.My pupils will dangle in delight even if I see him in a distance and my heart skips some humongous beats.

But thinking of it, maybe it’s not him. it is just a longing of love.
I want to be loved. I want to feel love, not just from him but someone who’s right; he hardly is right for me.

With him i seek a validation. he makes me want to fly high.
In love we feel light and high and intoxicated. We lose almost all sense.

maybe it’s not him’ it’s me


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